Second Chance - Chapter 6

IRRESISTIBLE

HOLLY...

The book signing was a success. I was exceedingly pleased and not a little surprised that some people like the book. The theme of the book was actually one that was very close to my heart. In the beginning, I had no intention of writing the book or even publishing it. Writing was just a way for me to let out the feelings I couldn’t say out loud. I wrote everything; my fears, my hope, the joy I found and the pain I felt, in my cherry red hardcover notebook. I took it everywhere with me.

One night, I accidently left the precious notebook in Ryan’s car. Ryan read it and made the life-changing decision for me. He took it secretly to a friend of his who happened to be a publisher. His publisher friend liked it a lot and both of them managed to persuade me to finish writing the book and I did. So, the rest was history, as they said.

We started the day event at 10 o’clock, and I had been going non-stop since then except for a twenty-minute break for lunch. Zayn came towards the end of the day session to see how I was doing, and invited me to the show that night. He left after he slipped three tickets and backstage passes for me and two friends, and made me promised I would come to the show.

When the bookstore was closed and everybody had left for the night, I walk back to the hotel which is only a few blocks away. There were a lot of people around me walking home from work, but I felt really lonely. There were feeling of sadness and hopelessness that I could not quite shake from inside of me. The phone conversation I had with Martha last night replayed in my mind.

"Hi, Martha. Is Ryan awake?"

“No, he’s sleeping, my dear.” The sweet little old lady, who was Ryan’s mum and caretaker answered.

“How is he?”

She sighed. “There has been no change, Holly. And I don’t expect any.”

A sob escaped my mouth and I asked softly, "Did he ask for me?"

"He asked ABOUT you a dozen time a day, sweetheart. Do you know that he stopped his chemo treatment more than a week ago? He became weaker with each treatment. He felt that it was no longer effective and it was causing so many side effects." Martha explained.

Martha was an admirable woman. Strong. Determined. Loving. When Ryan returned to New York, his cancer was already in the final stage. Martha took care of him since. It must be extremely hard to see your own child suffering but she had never falter. She had long accepted that Ryan was dying.

When I met Ryan, he was already diagnosed with cancer. I was broken up about leaving Louis. Ryan and I turned to each other for comfort although we were virtually strangers. I would always be grateful for what he had done for me.

"What did the doctor say?”

“Dr. Miller actually agreed with him. He advised Ryan to focus on enjoying and spending the time he has left with his loved ones.”

“I wish he would let me be there but whatever his decision is I’ll stand by him, Martha."

"You know how he is, Holly. He doesn't want you to see him like this. He wants you only to remember the good times."

"I know, but it doesn't make this any better. No matter how it is between us, I really care about him." Another sob escaped involuntarily.

"I know you care for him. He knows it too and I love you for that. You are one of the best things that happen in his life and I also think you should be here but this is what he wants, Holly."

I took several deep breaths to calm myself. "Okay, Martha. I understand that. Could you call me when he's awake?" I requested. We said our goodbyes and I put the phone down.

I closed my eyes and inhale deeply. The chat with Martha has left me feeling empty inside, depressed and profoundly sad. 

I was brought back to the present when someone bumped into me and apologised profusely. I looked at my wrist watch. I still had a few hours left before the show started. To avoid from thinking too much about the situation with Ryan, I tried focussing on One Direction’s show that night instead. Okay, here it went again... What was I going to wear?

It took me one and a half hour to decide and put together the things I was going to wear. In the end, I chose to go casual: black skinny jeans, a body-hugging white tube, black leather jacket and a pair of black chunky-heeled ankle boots.

I arrived at the venue for the show, a good 45 minutes before it started. Allie who was my agent, her niece, and I showed our backstage passes to the security crew and was let through.

Before I left the hotel, I already texted Zayn telling him I was already on my way there. So, he was waiting for me in the dressing room. Allie’s thirteen-year-old niece, Emma, was a huge fan of the boys. She was so excited that she almost cried when she saw Zayn, Louis and Niall when we entered the boys’ dressing room. She ran towards them and gave them a hug, took lots of photos and continued fangirling. Niall offered to give the thrilled girl a short tour of the arena and she squealed with excitement.

“Hi, Princess. So glad you could come.” He kissed me on the cheek lightly and hugged me tightly. I gave him a bright smile.

“Stay put. I’m just going to find out what’s holding Harry and Liam up.” He instructed. We hadn’t had our talk yet because he came back late to the hotel that night and I was already asleep. So, I was still waiting for him to bring it up.

I could feel Louis’ gaze on me. I met his eyes and hold his gaze. His expression was unreadable. We just sat there, staring at each other without saying anything. That was just plain weird.

In the end, I stood up and started to head for the door with the intention of look for Zayn and the rest of the lads because Louis’ stare was starting to make me fidgety. To go to the door I had to pass him. I tried to act casual. My heart hammered in my chest when he suddenly stood up.

I was walking past him when I stepped on a small puddle of spilled water and slipped! Louis grabbed my waist to prevent me from falling and I was slammed against his chest. My breath was knocked out of my lungs. My arm automatically went around his neck to hold myself steady. He reminded me to be careful. When I looked up to thank him, I found his face was only inches away from mine. I gasped in surprise.

I looked up into his hypnotising, beautiful blue eyes. We stared at each other and suddenly his gaze dropped to my lips. I took a deep breath to calm my senses. My mouth felt so dry suddenly. I felt so self-conscious and I lick my lips nervously. The gesture caused Louis to take a quick intake of breath. I could feel his racing heart pounding underneath my hand which unknowingly found its way to his hard chest. I swallowed hard.

I knew that he was going to kiss me and the anticipation was killing me. His lips were moving ever so slowly towards mine. Oh gosh! I was going to be a puddle at his feet. The urge to kiss him was quite, quite irresistible. I could smell the mint in his breath. My eyes were half closed and his lips were going to touch mine.....

“Louis! Babe!”

Louis let go of me abruptly. From the corner of my eye, I saw Zayn walked into the dressing room followed by a stunning brunette, before I landed ignominiously on my rear end. It was quite humiliating falling on my posterior witnessed by the brunette.

“Hi, Vicky.” Louis did not sound very enthusiastic.

So, this was his girlfriend. She was magnificent: perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect body, perfect teeth! Can a person be this perfect? I felt like an awkward and gawky teen. I wonder if she saw the embrace or what had nearly happen just now?

Vicky threw her arm around Louis’ neck and puckered up for a kiss. I was sitting on the floor, facing him. He gaze bore into mine, even though he was busy kissing Vicky! When their lips met, it felt like somebody took a knife and stabbed me in the heart! And twisted it some more!

It was extremely painful to watch them kissed, but I couldn’t look away. It was like a morbid fascination. Louis was still holding my gaze while kissing his precious girlfriend. I could feel tears were welling up in my eyes and would rain down my cheek at anytime.

“Are you all right, princess?” Zayn said in a hushed tone. I was surprised because I have forgotten that he was there. I swallowed a sob that was about to escape.

I turned to face Zayn and hid my face in his chest. The tears I was holding back so hard fell down my cheeks. 

“Get me out of here, please.” I whispered frantically in a brittle tone of voice. I did not want Louis to see me crying.