Second Chance - Chapter 19

PASSION


LOUIS...

I never knew that I was a stickler for punishment. 

Listening to her going on and on, recounting the good times she had with Ryan, was like slowly letting lemon juice drip on your wound, but I let her talk. She needed this. She needed to remember the good times they had, and she needed to move on.

Lying next to her was bittersweet. She felt so good in my arms but I knew that could never have her. The way she talked about the guy convinced me that she really loved him. To her, he was her hero; saving her from the big, bad wolf and sheltering her from the cruel world. He encouraged her to be herself and helped her to fulfil her potential. The man was practically superman. He was selfless, kind, caring, wonderful and all around good guy. How do you compete with that? 

I hated him!

A knock on the door interrupted her monologue of Ryan. Before getting out of the bed, I touched her cheek to brush the tears away. I rushed to the door. Grabbing the knob and turning it, I opened the door to a man in white suit, holding a tray of the sandwich and juice I ordered. I thanked him and took the tray.

When I returned, she was sitting on the chair drinking from a miniature bottle, which I guess came from the mini bar in the room. She had five other bottles on the coffee table in front of her.

“At least eat something first.”

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

She took another swing that completely emptied the bottle. She put it on the coffee table and started on another one. When she finished with that one, she opened another. In less than fifteen minutes, she had completely finished all six bottles.

Realising she had ran out of her drinks, she stood up unsteadily to get some more from the mini refrigerator.  

“Holly, I think you had enough. You’re drunk.” I tried to stop her from getting more of the alcoholic drinks.

“I’m fine.” She ignored my advice. 

She had to go around the bed and walked past me to reach the refrigerator. She swayed a little and bumped her leg against the bed, which caused her to fall. Fortunately, I was there to catch her.

“You’re drunk.” I stated the obvious. I helped her to stand upright. She stood unsteadily on her feet, so I kept my arms around her.

Tilting up her head, she smiled and looked into my eyes. The action, unfortunately, brought her luscious lips closer. I just have to dip my head lower and I would capture her lips with mine. I swallowed hard as I stared at the sweet, tempting mouth of hers.

She licked her lips and leaned forward to close the distance between us. When her lips touched mine, I lost my self-restraint completely. I responded. Very passionately. I was no longer able to think logically and rationally of what I was doing. It was just feeling and no thinking, as passion and desire flooded my veins.

I pulled her closer as I could not get enough of her. I slipped my tongue to taste the inside of her lips. When our tongues met, it was heavenly sweet. I groaned. Her eager response fuel the fire in my blood further. 

She began to pull my shirt from my pants and slipped her hands under my shirt, caressing my bare skin. I responded in kind. I unbuttoned her blouse, before pushing it off her shoulder, exposing the soft skin underneath. It was silk and fire.

With the blouse discarded on the floor, I kissed and licked her shoulder while my right hands cupped her breast. She shivered in pleasure. My name escaped her lips in a delicious sigh, which I found so very exciting. I pulled slightly away to find the zipper of her skirt. It was unzipped in a matter of second, and it dropped and pooled around her feet. She stood in her lacy, black underwear which leaves very little to imagination.

I took a sharp intake of breath. She was exquisite.

She reached towards me to unbutton my shirt. I stood there motionless, holding my breath watching her fingers work on the button, one after another. I could not take my eyes of her. Only when she reached the last of the buttons, could I let out the breath I did not even know I had been holding. She pushed the shirt aside and began nibbling at the base of my throat. My body tensed and my heart was pounding heavily on my chest. I was in dire need of air. My breath seemed to be stuck in my throat. 

We somehow stumbled onto the bed, with her on top of me. I groaned as her weight on me excited me even more.

She pushed herself up, straddled my waist, pinned my wrists over my head, and began kissing me. She let go of my wrists and began caressing, and kissing, and licking and nibbling on my chest. She was going lower and lower and lower...

I do not know how much more of her stimulating, feathery soft caress I could take. I decided I had enough, so I twisted my body so that I was the one on top. However, that only put me in an interesting position between her thighs. Breath caught in my throat when she grinded her hips against me and wrapped her legs around my waist.

I gritted my teeth, trying to summon my self-control which had been absent these few minutes. I wanted her so much but my conscience would not let me take advantage of her while she was so vulnerable.

She was drunk and she had just lost her husband. For goodness’ sake! What was I thinking? Well, clearly I was not thinking. I need to get a grip on myself. 

But she was so beautiful lying there with her legs wrapped around my waist.....Stop it!

I needed to get out off the bed. Fast! Distance between her and I would be an excellent idea. The farther the distance, the better it was. My body was still throbbing....

“Holly. Love...” I swallowed hard. “We need to stop.”

“Why? You don’t want me?” Her voice was uneven and she looked like a lost little kitten, albeit a highly desirable one.

“I do, but we need to stop. You are not sober and also emotionally unstable. I don’t want to take advantage of you. You might regret this when you wake up tomorrow.” I touched her cheek kissed her lips tenderly. I forced myself to pull away. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

I rose from on top of her but her legs were still tangled seductively around my waist. Putting my hands on her smooth bare legs, I unwrapped those lovely legs from my body. I let my hands lingered there for a while until I realised that I was staring at her almost naked body.

I got off the bed as fast as I could. I pulled the duvet around her shoulder to cover her near nakedness. It was more for my sake than hers.

“Go to sleep, love.”

“Are you going to stay?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here.”

She turned on her side facing away from me. I sat on the other bed, watching her falling asleep.

“Good night, Louis.” She mumbled sleepily.

“Good night, Holly.” I whispered slowly.

I stood up when I saw her breathing was even, indicating that she was already asleep. My breathing and my heart beat was back to normal but the bulge in my pants was still there. Holly seemed to have no problem switching off after our intense and passionate session together.

After all these years, for me the passion was still there; stronger than ever. It had always been this way between us, before she walked out on us.

I heaved a great sigh and walked slowly to the toilet. When I was standing under the shower, I turned the cold water on.

Second Chance - Chapter 18

Tell Me About Him


HOLLY...

“Do you think Ryan would want you to do this to yourself? What do you think he would say if he knew?”

It was like a slap on the face to bring me out of a trance. What would Ryan say? He had asked me not to mourn him. He had asked me to be happy because it would make him happy.

It brought back the memories of the time I spent with Ryan the night before he passed away. He was weak but... somehow happier. He insisted on staying up that night 

That last night before he passed away, Ryan insisted on staying up as if he knew that would be the last moment that we would spend together. He wanted to talk, to spend every second he had left with me. So, we talked the whole night.

He told me that he loved me. The declaration of love somehow made me feel guilty. Really, really guilty because I did not love him the way he loved me, as he should be loved. He had done so much for me that I felt like I was taking advantage of him, of his kindness and of him loving me. I was taking, taking and taking and barely giving anything in return.

Ryan saw me hesitating and said, “You don’t have to say anything, sweetheart. I know who your heart belongs to right from the start.”

“I’m sorry. If only I could tell my heart to love you, I would. It would be so much easier. And thank you for loving me. I am truly honoured.”

“Being with you and being there by your side when you need somebody are enough for me. You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I felt like I am using you. All I ever do ever since I met you is taking everything that you gave me.” I told him sincerely. “You have done so much for me and my son.”

He laughed weakly but there was joy in it. “This is why I love you. You don’t even realise what you have done, do you?”

“I have done nothing except be a burden to you.”

“You were never a burden, sweetheart. You are a joy to me. I want you to be happy. And don't mourn me, please.”

“Ryan...”

“No, Holly. I have never been happier because I have you. You have brought so much to my life than I ever thought was possible. You have to let me go because the pain gets so unbearable these days. Be happy for me.”

Tears welled up in my eyes but I understood him. I nodded slowly.

“You rest now. Don’t you worry, I will take a good care of myself.”

“That's my girl. Know that I am proud of you. The only thing I want is your promise that you will find happiness." He smiled joyously and looked deep into my eyes and I nodded again. "Remember, when I’m gone, I'll be watching you from above.”

His smile was still on his lips when his eyelids began to close. I sat on the chair on his bedside and rested my head on the bed. I stayed by his side for the rest of the night. 

I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes, Ryan was awake and looking at me.

“I love you, Holly.” His voice was almost a whisper.

I stood up and sat beside him on the bed. I slipped my arms around him. I did not know how I knew it, but right there and then, I knew that he was going to leave me forever. 

I kissed his forehead and told him, “Don’t worry about me, love. Just go. I will be all right. I promise. Go now and rest peacefully. Give my love to my dad and William when you see them.”

He smiled weakly before slowly closing his eyes.  All I could do was to hold him in my arms while watching him slowly slipped away. It felt surreal. I could not comprehend that he was really gone. Never again would I see his lovely smile, how his eyes lighted up when he was excited and how he would cocked his head to one side when he was thinking. Never again would I hear his merry laughter. It was like a dream and I was convinced that when I woke up, I would find him on the bed still sleeping. 

The waking up part did not happen, however. I hold Ryan lifeless body in my arms until I could bring myself to let him go. I woke Martha up and told her about Ryan’s passing before contacting the doctor.

Then it hit me that I would never see him again. The grief I felt in my heart and the feeling of hopelessness was like a thick black cloud hanging over me. I felt empty. I felt numb.

It was like I was in a bubble. I was no longer a part of the world. Everything sounded muffled. I could hear conversations, but it was like the words had no meaning. Everything that happened around me was in a blur. 

Then, this man who was holding me tightly in his arms reminded me of Ryan’s wish. I could not hold back the tears that suddenly pour down my cheeks. I lost track of time of me standing there crying until there were no more tears left.

I sniffled and just stood there enjoying being in Louis’ arms. I felt safe and protected, even loved. I knew I could not stay there forever. I raise my head from his hard but comfortable chest, and saw that my tears had soaked his shirt.

“Do you need anything, love?” His concern was clear in his voice.

“Something strong to drink.”

“You need to eat first. You have not eaten anything today.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You still need to eat.” He insisted. He let me go before picking up the phone to order grilled chicken salad and fruit juice for me.

I wanted to protest but suddenly I felt really tired. I walked towards the bed and sat down. Louis put the phone down and turned to look at me.

“Why don’t you take off your shoes and that jacket, and lie down for a bit? You looked worn out.” He suggested.

Such simple suggestion, yet I had a hard time comprehending what he was saying. I must be really exhausted. I took of the black Mary Jane pumps I was wearing and peeled off the black woollen jacket, put it on the bed and lie down on my side. I pulled myself into foetal position and closed my eyes.

Immediately, I saw Ryan’s face flashed before my eyes. The tears I thought were dried started falling again. I kept my eyes closed so that the man behind my back would not realise that I was crying.

The bed dipped and an arm sneaked across my waist to pull me closer to a warm body behind me. Louis kissed my hair softly. I shivered when I felt his warm breath on my neck. I cried again for the second time. I could not help but feel like a cry baby. 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered softly. My voice was wobbly.

“It’s perfectly fine. Just cry, if you feel like it.” His warm breath teased my cheek.

“Thank you.” I turned and laid on my back to look at him. “For being with me. After all that I had done, you are still nice to me. Thank you.”

His gaze locked with mine. “Whatever had gone between us, we used to be good friends once. I’m sorry if I tend to be a bit temperamental.”

THe touched my cheek to wipe the tears that still lingered there. The tender smile he gave me curled my toes and would probably melt half of the female population of New York. Such beautiful, beautiful smile. I smiled back at him.

“Tell me about him. What was he like?” Louis said suddenly.

“He was a lot like you.”

Second Chance - Chapter 17

LOVE HATE

LOUIS...

The sad news of Ryan’s death came two weeks after our visit to his house in New York. Martha called and informed us of the news.

The other three lads were taking the opportunity of the tour break to spend some time with their family as I was. Harry was in LA. Probably trying to get over his broken heart after breaking off with Sarah. Poor Harry. He tried so hard to make it work with Sarah.

Those who did not know Harry thought that he was a womaniser. That is far from the truth. Just because he went out with many different women did not mean he slept with them. Most of the women he went out with were his friends.

Harry had really cared for Sarah. For a while, he really thought she was the one but Sarah apparently could not cope with our hectic schedule. She left Harry for somebody who could always be there for her. She had begun dating the guy even before she broke off with Harry. He understood her reason but that did not make the break up any easier.

Zayn called me and asked me if I wanted to go to Ryan’s funeral. Much as I hated the guy for taking Holly away from me, I respected him. I hated to admit that but he had taken a good care of Holly, he had given everything to her. When she needed someone, he was there.

I decided to go to the funeral. Liam, Niall and Jenna also would be going with Zayn and me. We took the next available flight to New York. Harry would be arriving from LA just before the funeral service.

We arrived at the apartment to find Holly busy organising Ryan’s funeral service. She looked exhausted. She had dark rings under her eyes. When she saw us, she managed to give us a slight smile and came to welcome us.

She hugged Liam, Niall and Jenna. “Thank you so much for coming, guys.”

Zayn took her into his arms and hugged her tightly. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Holly. He was a good man.” He whispered in Holly’s ear before letting her go.

Holly nodded slowly and looked at me, hesitating on what to do. I took a step forward and held her in my arms. She pressed her face into my chest and held on to me tightly. She felt so good there. I gave her a reassuring squeeze. “How are you holding up, love?”

She nodded. “I’m... I’m okay.” She answered but she looked far from being okay.

I let her go but kept my hand at the small of her back. “Harry will be coming later.”

She nodded and thanked us again for coming. She moved away to met other guests when Martha came thank us for coming. After making small talk, she made a gesture for me to step aside so that we could have a private conversation.

“I want to thank you again for coming.” She took my hand and held it in both her smaller ones. She looked tired.

I nodded. “I’m really sorry for your loss.” I know it must be hard for her to lose her son. Losing someone you care about is never easy.

“Thank you, my dear. I’m sad but in a way I am also relieved and happy knowing that Ryan is no longer suffering. That was the hardest part, watching him suffer.” She admitted.

She smiled slightly and squeezed my hand. “After all this is over, take her with you.” She pleaded.

I did not say anything because I did not know what to say. Her son just died and she wanted me to take his wife with me?

“I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid that I might get offended because I won’t. Ryan asked me to do this. He was afraid that his death might cause Holly to fell apart like she did when ....” She could not continue her sentence and wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks. “He loved her and he did not want her to mourn him.”

“I love her and I want her to be happy. She had been through quite a lot these past years: Losing her father and her son and now Ryan. She hasn’t eaten properly these couple of days, and I don’t think she even slept a wink. She must be really tired.” She looked at Holly who was talking to one of Ryan’s friends.

“The anniversary of William’s death is in a few days. This will bring back those sad memories for her. You and your friends are such a big part of her life. Please take care of her.” She looked at me with such a hope that I did not have a heart to turn 
her down.

I understood her concern. When I last met her, she told me about the accident Holly was in that had cost Holly her beautiful son. The two of them were on their way to the airport, to go back to New York after attending her father’s funeral, when a drunk driver crashed into their car. Holly was severely injured and her son died on the spot due to severe head trauma. I felt really sorry for her.

When Martha told me about the incident, I was really sad. I had met William when they came to three of our shows. He was a delightful boy and I fell in love with him instantly. The two of us got along very well. He called me ‘dada’, his words for ‘daddy’, I guess. The lads teased me about it but I didn’t mind. I imagine if I have a son, he would be just like William.

Over a few months, I received pictures and videos of the boy from Martha until it stopped abruptly. I was too busy touring and recording the new album to give it much thought. Now, I know the reason for it.

For some reason, I kept thinking of the boy after the visit to Ryan’s house. I still have the videos sent to me and I played them all back repeatedly. This was Holly’s son and I kept thinking that, he could have been mine, if only Holly did not left. I quickly shook the memories away and concentrated on the grieving lady in front of me.

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Phillips. We will take care of her.” I promised her.

“Thank you, Louis. Thank you.” She squeezed my hands, gave me a hug and kissed my cheek.

Throughout the service in the morning until we went to the cemetery and came back to the house late in the afternoon, I observed Holly carefully. Her face was emotionless, her movement was stiff, her eyes looked dead, and she kept sipping champagne on empty stomach. I have not seen her eating a bite since morning.

She was standing alone, staring out of the big window, still drinking from the champagne flute in her hand. She looked to be in deep thought. Suddenly, someone put her hand on my shoulder. I turned to look on my left and found Martha standing slightly behind me.

“Take her away. I can handle everything from here. Please, don’t let her withdraw into herself.” She said softly without looking at me. Her gaze was fixed on Holly.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” I said hesitantly.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Go and get her.” She patted my shoulder to encourage me. I smiled and gave her a hug.
I walked towards Holly not sure what to say to her. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she was not even aware of my approach. I stopped almost in front of her but she was still gazing out of the window, lost in thought.

“Holly.” I took hold of her upper arm. Her eyes snapped to my face, surprised I was standing so close to her. I pulled her closer and engulfed her in my embrace. She just stood there motionless.

“C’mon, love. Let’s get you out of here.” I whispered in her ears.

“No. No, no. Martha needs me here.” Suddenly, her eyes looked wild. She was getting distraught.

“No, she doesn’t. She is doing fine. You are not. You have not eaten and from the look of the dark ring under your eyes, you have not had enough sleep. You are drinking on an empty stomach. That is going to go to your head pretty fast. So, either we walk out of here like two civilised people or I could put you over my shoulder. You choose.” I threatened.

Anger flashed in her eyes. Good! At least, some emotions. I would rather have angry Holly than zombie Holly. I let go of her and took the champagne flute from her hand. I set the glassware on the coffee table nearby.

I wrapped my fingers around her upper arm and guided her forcefully towards the door. “Please don’t make a scene. Come with me quietly. Martha is already very concern of you. She asked me to take you away from here. Please don’t make it harder for her.”

“She did? She really asked you to take me away?” Her voice was brittle and she looked pained. Suddenly the fight went out of her.

“She was worried about you. And she was right. Come on, love. Let us say our goodbye.”

We went over to Martha, the boys and Jenna. I let her say her goodbye and Zayn came over to me with a frown on his face.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I can take her with me.”

“You are going to see Haley afterwards. You haven’t seen her in three months.” I said. Haley was Zayn’s girlfriend and they have not seen each other in three months due to our hectic tour schedule and her busy work.

“Go and see her. Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?” He was still sceptical.

“I’m sure.” I said assuring him.

Zayn grab hold of my upper arm and said softly near my ear. “Please don’t hurt her.”

“I won’t.” I promised. I knew he was referring to the incident in the bookstore. I looked around and saw Harry hugging and kissing Holly on her cheek.

Holly had finished saying her goodbyes. Zayn took her in his arms and held her tightly. He whispered in her ear. “I’m going to see you tomorrow, okay, princess? I just have something to do today.”

Without uttering anything, Holly nodded her head. I put my arms around her and told the boys, “We’re going back to the hotel. We’ll see you guys later.”

On our way out, Martha caught my eyes and mouthed her thank you. I nodded to indicate I understood. I ushered Holly out of the door and into the waiting car downstairs. She was quiet and her face was emotionless, while staring outside the car window on the whole journey to the hotel. She looked lonely and sad, so I took her hand in mine and squeezed it to remind her that I was there and she could count on me for a shoulder to cry on.

When we arrived at the hotel, I lead her to the room where Zayn and I shared. I sat on the bed and pick up the phone to order room service. I ordered us a tuna sandwich, chicken pie Caesar salad and some orange juice for our late lunch.

Holly stood silently by the window hugging herself, staring at the landscape below. Face expressionless, her mind appeared to be million miles away. When the doorbell chimed announcing the arrival of our lunch, she did not even react. I stood up quietly from the bed to open the door.

Lunch was brought in by a guy about my age and was put on the table. I thanked the guy and closed the door after him.

“Holly.” I called out to her three times before she realised it. I walked over to her and slipped my arms around her, hugging her from behind. She was stiff. I pulled her closer and let her rest the back of her head on my shoulder. “Come, let’s eat.”

She shook her head without saying anything and started to pull away. I pulled her back towards me and buried my face on the crook of her neck.

“You need to eat something, love. You are going to make yourself ill, if you don’t” I tried coaxing her to eat.

“I’m fine.” Her voice lacked emotion.

“No, you are not. You have not eaten, you have not slept and you have not cried. So, you are definitely not fine.” I took hold of her shoulders and turned her around to face me. I hold her chin to tilt up her face so that she was looking at me. Her eyes were on me but she was looking straight through me. She was here but not here.

I sighed. What do I do with this girl? My emotion tended to jump from one extreme end to another when I was with her. Sometimes, I hated her with every ounce of my being but at other times, all I wanted to do is protect her from harm. Wipe the tears in her eyes. Make her smile.

Right now, I wanted to chase away the bleak look in her usually expressive brown eyes. I wanted to see those beautiful orbs sparkle with life. I wanted those sensuous pouty lips to curve in a smile. I wanted her to be happy.

Sometimes, I did not understand myself. Why can’t I forget her? I wanted to... but something kept pulling me back to her. I did not want to care about her but I could not help myself.

“Holly, love. Do you think Ryan would want you to do this to yourself? What do you think he would say if he knew?” I decided to switch tactics. Play on her conscience.

It worked as something flickered in her eyes. She blinked and two fat tears of grief that welled up at the corners of her eyes, streamed down her face. Suddenly, the dam broke. Violent sobs racked her body as the emotion she tried to hold in poured out of her. I hold her close in my arm as the two of us stood there until all her tears was spent. I let her cry her eyes out while all the time I felt so helpless, knowing that I could do nothing to lessen her pain.

Second Chance - Chapter 16

LAST WISH

ZAYN...

The apartment at Central Park West was obscenely luxurious with thick wall to wall carpeting and thick glass walls which offers us the magnificent view of the famous park.

Louis and I were in Ryan Philips’ home. His secretary had called us and extended Philips’ invitation a couple of days before we wrapped up our North America tour.  At first, Louis declined the invitation but then the man himself called Louis to persuade him to go. In the end, Louis agreed to go with me to meet him.

Louis had been in a ‘difficult’ mood since the incident in the bookstore. After saying goodbye to Holly, I went back to the hotel together with Jenna and Harry. Louis was nowhere to be seen. My guess was he was cooling off his temper somewhere.

I tried to talk to him a few times despite Holly’s request not to do so. However, he refused me point blank. After that, I left him alone to wallow in his anger and resentment.

He invited Vicky to go on tour with us, and frankly speaking, at the end of the six weeks, the boys and I, and also the crew had quite enough of her drama. She had gotten on everyone’s nerve. She treated the crew as if they were her own personal maid and butler, ordering them about and then complained loudly to Louis how everyone was bullying her. By the end of the tour, everybody was glad that they would not have to see her for a while. And Louis, the idiot, was oblivious to her behaviour as she was very sweet and gentle in front of him but as soon as Louis turned his back, she would unsheathe her claws.

When she found out that we were going to meet Phillips, she whined about being left behind and about Louis not caring and spending time with her. Louis, being the master of sass, looked at her up and down witheringly. I had to work hard not to laugh at that. I guess Louis also had enough of her.

We were ushered by a male servant into a small control room in a recording studio where we were greeted by a frail, pale man sitting on a wheelchair. He was sickly but the extremely good-looking, brown-haired man, whom I thought was seemed oddly familiar, greeted us with a genuine smile. I would guess he was in his late thirty.

He offered his hand and said. “You are Zayn Malik.”

I took the offered hand without smiling and nodded my head.

He turned to Louis and eyed him up and down. “And you’re Louis Tomlinson.”

He stared at Louis straight in the eye and Louis stared back at him. After a long uncomfortable silence, he extended his hands and introduced himself. “I’m Ryan Philips.”

I felt Louis stiffen beside me. So, this is Holly’s husband. At this point, I reserved my opinion of him. Louis shook his hand but his eyes were hard and his mouth was set in a hard line.

“Good to meet you finally. Holly talked a lot about you.”

“All good stuff, I hope.” I joked to lighten the atmosphere as Louis look as if he wanted to punch the guy’s lights out. If the guy was not ill, he probably would.

“I let you decide. You, Mr. Malik were her best friend since ‘forever’. Her words, not mine. You were like a brother to her. Did I get that right?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” I agreed.

He turned and eyed the resentful Louis. His gaze was unwavering and he stated, “You are a very lucky man, Mr. Tomlinson. I would sell my soul to be in your shoes.”

“Your definition of ‘lucky’ and mine are probably quite different, Mr. Philips.” The unsmiling Louis declared.

“Maybe.” Ryan grinned at the answer. “But I still stand by mine.”

“Please, sit down.” Ryan gesture to the two chairs nearby. “I’m glad that you decided to accept my invitation to come.”

Something nagged me at the back of my head. He looked familiar and the name also sounded familiar. I looked around me: the mixing console and multitrack recorder. Suddenly, something clicked in my mind.

“You’re Ryan Phillips, the owner of Little Oak Studio in London, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.” He admitted.

“No wonder you look familiar. So, why are we here? Does it have something to do with Holly?” I asked curiously.

“As a matter of fact, yes.” He nodded slowly. “This is about Holly.”

“What about her?” I said.

“I need a favour from you.” He confessed.

“What is it?” I leaned forward to better listen to him.

“I am dying.” He stated simply. “I only have a very short time left. I need you to do something after I am gone.”

Louis and I looked at each other. What could this guy want us to do?

“I was diagnosed with cancer three years ago. The doctors gave me 18 months to live. I was devastated. I couldn’t accept it.  I was in my prime and on top of my game.”

“When I met Holly at WW Children’s Home, I was still in denial. I saw her there; so young, so kind and generous. She has problems of her own but that does not stop her from helping others. We started talking and she was the one who made me see that I should not give up. They gave me 18 months and I have exceeded it.” He smiled weakly.

“I have to thank Holly. She makes me forget that I was ill. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.” He smiled again and chuckled when he saw Louis, who was sitting beside me, gritted his teeth. “I loved her, you know. If someone were to tell me three years ago that I would fell for a slip of a girl who is almost half my age, I would have laughed my head off.”

“At first, we were two strangers trying to comfort each other. The more I knew her, the more I fell in love with her.” Ryan took a deep breath and stated his request. “I want you to take her away from here when I’m gone.”

“Take her away? Where?”

“Anywhere but here. Take her back to England. She needs to be with the people she loves. I don’t want her to fall apart like she did when her father and Will died. Promise me you take care of her.”

“Of course. We promise.” I said on behalf of Louis. He was still sitting beside me, still had not said anything. I was wondering: Who is Will?

The side door in the live room suddenly swung inwards, and Holly walked in. We were looking through the glass window from the control room.

“Ryan, are you there?” She knocked on the darkened glass. She could not see us from her side of the room.

Ryan moved his wheelchair towards the console and pushed a button so he could talk to a microphone. “Yes, I’m here sweetheart.”

“Which one would you like to listen to?” Holly went to sit at the keyboard and began pressing the keys.

“(Everything I Do) I Do It for You. That’s a nice one.” He suggested.

Holly began playing the song and sang soulfully. She was an exquisite singer and a talented musician. I had been a long time since I last hear her sing. The last time was before I left for X-Factor.

“She went for grief counselling after they died. She was depressed and she couldn’t accept that they were gone. Music and writing had helped her to express the feeling she couldn’t say. Hazard a guess who she sings this song for?” Ryan looked pointedly at Louis but he was looking at down at his feet. His face was unreadable.

Louis looked up and fixed his gaze on me. “I didn’t even know she could sing and play music.”

I shrugged. “We were supposed to go together for the audition but somehow she did not submit her form. She could play guitar, piano, drum and violin. Her father was a gifted musician. She got it from him, I guess.”

Holly had finished singing the song and was asking Ryan if he wanted her to play another. “Yeah, do another one. Please Forgive Me.”

“Okay.” And she began singing again.

“Listen to the song.” Ryan instructed. “One part of her therapy was to choose songs that have meaning for her. I taught her this one and the one she sang just now. Do you know who this song is for?”

When Louis and I didn’t say anything, Ryan professed, “It’s for you, Mr. Tomlinson, as was the first one.”

Louis stared at the man disbelievingly and Ryan met his gaze. “Like I said, you are a very lucky man, Mr. Tomlinson. Were I to live longer, I would have taken her away from you.”

“I believe you have done that.” Louis retorted.

“Physically, yes. But her heart, no.” Ryan shot back and then sighed. “The two of you should really talk. You should listen to her.”

The door suddenly opened and an elderly lady stepped in.

“Ryan, do you want....” She stopped short when she saw me and Louis. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you have guests.”

“It’s okay, mom.” Ryan smiled fondly at her. “Gentlemen, this is my mother. Martha Philips. Mom, these are...”

“Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik.” She cut him short. “I know who they are.”

She gave us a big smile and shook our hands. I was impressed that this little lady knew us, when I realised that I knew her from somewhere.

“You seem really familiar, Mrs. Philip.” I said as I shook her hands.

“Martha Philips!” Louis said delightedly. “Yes. William. You remember him, Zayn. Handsome little fella. Beautiful blue eyes. Called me ‘dada’.”

“Oh, you still remember me.” Martha was pleased.

She had brought Baby William and another two nieces to our shows in East Rutherford, New York and Camden. She had gotten them backstage passes to see us and they were given royal treatment. Ryan must have pulled some strings to make it happen.

Louis was thrilled when Baby William had called him ‘dada’. I guess that means ‘daddy’ and asked him for hugs and kisses. He spent most of his time in Louis’ arms. Louis, the softie, was so captivated by the boy. Martha even gave him her instagram account which was filled with William’s photos. Louis instantly followed her.

Will? William? Could it be that William was Holly’s son? Holly said she never slept with anyone else other than Louis. That would mean.... I actually turned pale when I made the connection. Is Baby William was Louis’ child? If he is then.... Louis didn’t even know the child he adored so much was his own.

I looked at Ryan, wanting his confirmation. He must have guessed what I wanted to say as he nodded slightly. When Louis left with Martha to look at William’s photos, Ryan stopped me. “Please, don’t tell Louis yet. Let Holly do it.”

I looked at Holly still singing in the live room and turned back to Ryan. I nodded slowly. Holly needed to be the one to tell Louis.

“Before you go, take this.” He hand me a copy of Holy’s book, Making Amends. “Inside the front cover was written the ID and password to Holly’s private blog. If all else fail and he still would not listen to her, give that to Louis.”

Second Chance - Chapter 15

A GIFT FOR YOU

HOLLY...

Noah drove away leaving Zayn watching us disappeared among the hundred thousand cars on the street of New York. Noah took me straight to Martha’s house. The nearer I get to our destination, the more anxious I became.

The last time I saw Ryan was before he started treatment and that was almost six months ago. He handed me some cash, credit cards, a Ford Escape, the keys to an apartment in New Jersey and the instruction to finish writing my book. He told me to get it publish before his condition got even worse.

I did just that. I wrote day and night to get it done. The day I handed the script to Allie, I called Ryan.

“I finished it, Ryan.” I informed him happily.

“Good! I am so glad. There’s a lot more to do, sweetheart. But for the time being I want you to go out and live your life, Holly. Travel. Go places. Go where ever you want to go” Ryan told me.

“I want to be there with you.”

“No. I’m doing my treatment. You don’t need to be here. There’s nothing you can do here.” He refused me point blank.

“But, Ryan...” I started.

“I don’t want you to see me like this, Holly. I look terrible.”

“I don’t care how you look, Ryan.”

“But I do, Holly.” He said seriously. “I want you to remember the good-looking man you married. I do not want your pity. If you want to make me happy, go live your life. Please.”

Please. The word stopped me in my track. I wanted to argue and tell him that I don’t care about his looks but his heartfelt plea made me shut my mouth. Taking a deep breath, I made a decision.

“Okay, Ryan. I’ll do whatever you want.” I conceded.

“Do what you need to do, Holly. Don’t wait until it is too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Ryan sighed. “Go and see your mother, Holly.”

“I will, Ryan. I will.” That was a promise. I wanted to go back home and visit my mum. I missed her.

“One more thing. One Direction will be performing here soon.”

I was quiet for the longest time, as I did not know what to say.

“Holly? Sweetheart? Are you still there?

“Ýeah, I’m still here.”

“You need to go and see them you know. Especially, him. You need to tell him.” He stated.

I knew he was referring to Zayn and Louis. And he was right. I needed to see them and the idea had crossed my mind many times lately. It is just that I was... afraid. Afraid of rejection. Zayn would probably scold me but we would not be too angry and not for long. I knew him.

Louis, on the other hand, would probably give me the death stare like I was a disgusting creature that came out crawling from under a rock. That I would expect from him. I had hurt him.

Noah jolted me out of my reminiscence when he opened the car door for me. I looked around the car park. I did not even realise that we had arrived. I walked with Noah in silence to the lift. He pushed the button and the door opened. When we stepped inside, Noah inserted the key and pressed the button, and waited for the lift to carry us to Martha’s house.

Less than a minute, the door opened to a beautifully decorated apartment and a small, elegant blond-haired woman in lavender greeted me.

“Holly, my dear. It so good to see you.” She hugged me tightly and kissed both of my cheeks. There were unshed tears in her eyes making them looked glassy. “I missed you, dear.”

“I missed you too, Martha.” I was quite emotional. I hugged her again before letting her go. “Ryan?”

“He’s in his room. Go ahead and see him. We’ll talk later. For the time being, I’ll just go and prepare dinner for us.” Martha ushered me to Ryan’s room. I thank her with a smile.

I knocked softly on the door before opening it and said quietly to the darkened room, “Ryan?”

“Holly? Sweetheart? Is that you?” His voice sounded weak and tired. The lamp on his bedside table flickered on.

“Yes, it’s me, Ryan. I’m here.” I braced myself for what I was going to see. I almost gasped aloud when I saw Ryan. He was pale, thin and frail. His beautiful brown hair was thin and I could see some bald spots. His eyes were sunken. I had to force myself not to cry.

“Come and sit by me, sweetheart. I missed you.” He smiled happily at me. I walked towards him and sat at the edge of the bed. He sat up and spread his arm open so he could give me a hug. I went into his arm and buried my face in his shoulder.

“I missed you too. You know that you can call me and I will come anytime. Anytime, Ryan.” I let go of him and reached out to arrange the pillows so he could lean back against them.

He chuckled softly. “Kind Holly. Always thinking of others before thinking of herself.”

He reached out and touched my cheek tenderly. He smiled affectionately. His hand was still cupping my cheek and his thumb caressing it.  “We need to break you of this habit of yours, you know. You need to start thinking of yourself.”

“Well, I think that’s a bit too late for that. I am the way I am.” I took his hand from my cheek and kissed the palm. He closed his for a moment as if savouring the feel of my lips on his palm. “You just have to take it or leave it.”

He chuckled again. “I take you just the way you are, sweetheart. Warts and all.”

“I do not have warts.” I laughed merrily.

“Tell me how it went.” He ordered.

“What? My meeting with Zayn and Louis?” I questioned and Ryan nodded. “The meeting with Zayn was okay. He was happy to see me and he forgave me. But Louis was another story.”

“Was he very angry?”

“When he first saw me, he wanted to wring my neck. Then, he calmed down. He didn’t exactly forgive me but we were able to have civil conversation. Then he found out about me married to you and the pregnancy. He totally flew off the handle.”

“Didn’t you explain it to him?”

“I tried but he would not listen. He thought the baby was yours and I married you because I was pregnant.”

“What?!” Shocked, Ryan shook his head slowly. “That stupid fool.”

“It’s okay, Ryan. Don’t worry about it. I will handle it later.” I declared.

“Do you want me to tell him?” He asked curiously.

“No! Don’t you dare. Let me handle this, okay?” I insisted firmly.

“Okay, whatever you say, sweetheart.” He conceded. “Now, play that song you used to sing, would you?”

“Which one?”

“The 1D one.”

“Moments?” I said smiling. It was one of my favourite songs from the boys.

“Yeah, that’s the one.” He confirmed.

I stood up from the bed and walked towards the window to draw the curtains. There was a baby grand at one corner of the room. I smiled fondly at Ryan and started playing the piano. I haven’t done this in a long time. Not since my last therapy session. My fingers flew on the smooth ivory keys and I sang to the tune. We spent the rest of the day singing, talking and watching movies.

I moved in and spent the next few weeks with Ryan. Doing things for him; feeding him, reading to him, and his favourite was me singing and playing the piano to him. We talked, watched silly movie and commented on and laughed at the absurd characters and ridiculous plots. I loved seeing him happy.

One morning, a month after, we enjoyed our breakfast on the terrace, and he smilingly told me, “I have a present for you.”

He handed me a large, official-looking, brown envelope which he kept on his side table. I took it and looked at him confusedly.

“What’s this?” I asked him, my brows furrowed with bewilderment.

He took my hand and held it in his larger ones. His gaze fixed on me. “This is my present for you. I want you to be happy, Holly.”

I was a bit puzzled by his words. “I am happy, Ryan.”

“No, you’re not. On the outside, you are. The one you presented to the world is the happy Holly but I am talking about you on the inside; the grieving Holly, the heartbroken Holly.” Ryan said seriously.  He touched my hair and pushed the flyaway strand behind my ear. “I know that inside you are still grieving for your child and I know that you are still in love with the baby daddy.”

I opened my mouth to protest.

“Don’t deny it, sweetheart. I know you are still very much in love with him. You tried to hide it and convinced yourself that you don’t but I can see it in your eyes every time you see him. And he is everywhere, isn’t he? He has been very successful.”

He was referring to the fact that, the band was so successful that the lads had their faces plastered everywhere: television, magazine, the net, billboards, posters..... you name it, their faces were there.

“You are forever trying to make others happy. You made me happy, Holly and Louis is successful beyond your imagination. Now, let me make you happy.” He caressed my cheek with his thumb. “Open the envelope, Holly.”

I followed his instruction to open the brown envelope hesitantly. I pulled out a small stack of papers from inside it halfway. I looked up at him, “What is this, Ryan?”

He did not answer my question. I pulled the papers out completely and read the heading on the front page. PETITION FOR ANNULMENT OF MARRIAGE.

“Ryan!” I exclaimed in shock. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“I’m filing a petition to annul our marriage, sweetheart.” Ryan explained.

“But why?” I was perplexed. Suddenly I found it difficult to breathe.

“Because I should not have married you in the first place.” Ryan patiently explained.

“I don’t understand.” I shook my head, uncomprehending his reasons for doing this.

“Listen to me, Holly. You are still so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Go and achieve your dreams. Find happiness and love, sweetheart. There is no one more deserving to have all of that than you. When I’m gone...”

“Ryan, don’t say that!” I exclaimed.

“Holly, you know that I don’t have that much time left.” He wiped away the tears that had started falling down my cheeks. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please, I want the last days I spend on earth to be happy, to be full of laughter. I want to go with a big smile on my face. So, no crying. Okay?”

I nodded. Wiping my tears away, I gave him a HUGE forced smile. He took the envelope and its contents from my hands and set them on the table.

“That’s my girl.” He said approvingly. “I want to be able to go happily, knowing that you are happy here. I want to tell the angels that I had done something good for the girl that I love.”

My eyes flew to his face, taken aback. “Ryan...”

“I love you, Holly. I did not expect to fall for you but I did. I don’t know how or when. I must have fallen in love with you a little at a time and one day when I woke up, I realised that I loved you. You have stolen my heart. I have loved you for a long time, Holly.” He took my hands in his.

I stared at him, trying to take his surprising confession in. “I’m so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t know.”

“I never meant for you to know before this. But I have been thinking a lot lately. Especially about doing things too late. That is why I want to be able to say it to you before I go. There are a lot of things that I wish I had done and I regret not doing them when I could. I don’t want this to be one of those regretful moments in my life.”

“Ryan, I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know you don’t love me the way I love you but, believe me, being there for you when you need me and spending time with you is enough to make me happy. Very happy.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt I had to apologise for not loving him as he loved me.

“Why? There’s no need to be sorry, sweetheart. Promise me when I am no longer here, you will fight for your love, fight for what you want. Do you understand me?”  He studied my expression and I nodded.

“Promise me you will go and make your baby daddy fall in love with you again. I know that the media says that he’s with that whoever her name was but I don’t think he loves her.” Ryan asserted.

“Be happy for me, will you?” He took hold of my chin in his hand. 

“The annulment will be finalised in a couple of weeks. Just remember, our marriage was one of the best things in my life.”

“If it was one of the best things, then why end it?” I did not get his reasoning.

“Because it is the right thing to do. Now, don’t argue.” He stopped me from protesting. His hand was still under my chin and he tilted it up so he could look into my eyes.

“I love you, Holly Adams.” He said softly and bent down to kiss my lips tenderly.

I closed my tightly to keep my tears from streaming down my face, as I kissed him back. How I wished that I could love this man as deeply as he loved me but my heart had always belong to the unforgiving Louis Tomlinson!

Ryan pulled away and I opened my eyes to look at him. The smile he had was quite sad but it was fleeting and quickly replaced with a cheerful grin. “Now, I want you to go and sing me that song that I like very much.”

“Okay. A Shoulder to Cry On?” I asked as I moved away from the terrace and walked towards the guitar placed on the sofa.

“Yes.”

I picked the guitar up and began strumming on it. The song Ryan chose was one of the songs he taught me during my therapy. It was his way of telling me that I could always rely on him. He was such a sweet, sweet man. I began singing:

Life is full of lots of up and downs

And the distance feels further 

When you're headed for the ground

And there is nothing more painful 

Than to let your feelings take you down

It's so hard to know the way you feel inside

When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide

But you might feel better 

If you let me walk with you by your side 

And when you need a shoulder to cry on

When you need a friend to rely on

When the whole world is gone

You won't be alone, cause I'll be there

I'll be your shoulder to cry on, I'll be there

I'll be a friend to rely on 

When the whole world is gone 

You won't be alone, cause I'll be there 

All of the times when everything is wrong 

And you're feeling like 

There's no use going on 

You can't give it up 

I hope you work it out and carry on 

Side by side, with you till the end 

I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand 

No matter what is said or done 

Our love will always continue on 

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on 

Everyone needs a friend to rely on 

When the whole world is gone 

You won't be alone cause I'll be there 

I'll be your shoulder to cry on, I'll be there 

I'll be the one you rely on when the whole world's gone 

You won't be alone 

Cause I'll be there 

And when the whole world is gone 

You'll always have my shoulder to cry on

I ended the song with a huge grin as Ryan clapped his hands in appreciation.

“You sing beautifully, sweetheart.” He complimented.

“Thank you, Ryan.”

“Like I said before, you could have a career in singing if you want, Holly. You are good. Really good.” Ryan said enthusiastically.

“No. I write better than I sing. I love singing but to be a singer... I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I never dream of becoming a singer.”

“You could give the boys some competition, you know.” He grinned.

I laughed out loud and said, “As if.”